chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
