We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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