he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
