Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
