It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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