Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize