On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
