the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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