please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
