i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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