You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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