I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
