I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize