worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
