nut hugger
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
