It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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