guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
