Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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