i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
