I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
