we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
