From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
