whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
