My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
