Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
