He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
