He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
