I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
