is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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