dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
