So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
