I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this will be a night to untag.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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