I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
