so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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