Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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