chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
