I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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