Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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