I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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