3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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