lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My underwear smells like fireworks.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
