i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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