i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
