My room smells like vodka and shame
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
