Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize