Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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