I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
