I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
