I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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