operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
