Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
