The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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