one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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