Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
