How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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