saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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