that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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