idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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