That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
