Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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