Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
