fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
