I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
