but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
