i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
