Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
