Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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