she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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